Mr. Maxwell

It’s been about a week now since I planned to hang out in a coffee shop and once again have a tête-à-tête with my laptop. However, so many things… beautiful ones… kept me from doing so. I felt I already missed the sentiment of the events - the surprise party, the concert at the park, the coffee night out, the gifts and to top it all.. the flowers.

In a sense, having the moments slip by without being able to capture the exact thoughts and emotions while fresh made me realize one thing… that it’s easy for me to be glib about how beautiful life is without really knowing what others have to go through just to get through another ordinary day. The past weekend has been a string of pleasant surprises for my birthday. I’ve got everything that I’ve wished for that day but I plainly forgot not everything is about me all the time.

After the hype of the birthday celebration was over, I felt a nagging feeling within me that I just couldn’t ignore. I became aware of the laborer who toils under the scorching heat of the sun for a really meager pay, the kabayans whose visa are about to expire, the roommate whose father has been in a hospital bed for days now, the friend who has been diagnosed with cancer, the neighbor who has no place to stay, housemates and friends who have just been unemployed and who are leaving soon… so many other people around whose plight are much more difficult than what I currently am going through. How narrow I was to have asked why people can’t sometimes appreciate life as I do. How shallow my ideas are of how they go about their day at these trying times.

Coming from a totally different angle now, I am suddenly consumed with burdens that have been keeping me restless for days now. John Maxwell, in his book “21 Most Powerful Minutes in a Leader’s day” said that the essence of a burden is the desire to do something beneficial for others… and that a burden leads to a vision. He even had a checklist of particular emotions when people have a burden. I scored 7 out of 8... I am burdened indeed!

I started pulling out notes, rummage around old text messages and Bible verses in search for words and thoughts I think could be of use to encourage that which I am burdened about. I prayed, assessed the situation, encouraged, motivate, and conveyed what I thought God told me…yet end up striking the wrong note, pulling out the wrong strand, … almost totally messing up every turn…a state of ambivalence it was… I know I am not being a lid lifter at all. It seems like I’ve practically done almost everything possible… but one… to be still.

A realization from a realization! Be still…

When all else fails, when you can’t find the right words to say, when there is no love language to express, when assurance of friendship and love is needed, when amidst a process called growing, when daunted with uncertainties, when trouble is lurking around, when nobody understands, when you feel like hiding, when things are just to overwhelming to absorb, when grappling with the realities of life, when simply trying to get through an ordinary day… be still… and know that he is God.

Yes, there are a lot more people I am and I could be burdened about. There are lots of burdens and issues of life I could carry in my heart... all for the cause of a vision coming from above. At the end of the day, it is not about me, nor is it about the things that I cannot and can do to put people out of trouble or make them happy. It’s not about my happiness or my loneliness. It’s all about recognizing the fact that it is still He who is in control. It is about the lives being touched and transformed to glorify God.

I may have failed recognizing the square for a square instead tried hard fitting it on a circle… I may have truly failed the people who at some point supposed I could be the wind beneath the wings.. I may have faulty thoughts about how people should appreciate life in its entirety… It’s a frenetic journey. It’s a fluff I’ll try to slough off.

I still have the burden. Devoid of my own idiosyncrasies, I’ll go back to step 1. Hopefully, I still have time.

If I could meet Mr. Maxwell in the future, I would ask a question… what made you realize life is not about one self after all?